I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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