Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
