At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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