Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
