Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
