and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
