I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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