whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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