I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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