I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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