the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All the doctor said was why
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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