i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
