Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Can you bring me the toilet please
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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