I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
