My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
