Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I party with great urgency now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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