We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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