What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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