This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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