Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize