I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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