Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
