Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
