You just made me feel so damn special
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
