Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
