So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
