I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
