Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
