I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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