the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize