AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
