You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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