There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
