It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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