I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
