Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
