i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down