:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
