Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
