Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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