omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.