Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves