Texts From Last Night

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  (+44): View more from England

  Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.

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  (+44): Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food. http://tfl.nu/05sf
  Replies (20) Good night (3712) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.

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  (334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet. http://tfl.nu/qfk7
  Replies (47) Good night (1244) Bad night (4620)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Becoming a productive member of society?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Sam. Come on.

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  (509): Guess what I'm doing tomorrow? (860): Becoming a productive member of society? (509): Sam. Come on. http://tfl.nu/hrkz
  Replies (38) Good night (6873) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I love watching others lives come down to our level.

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  (952): I love watching others lives come down to our level. http://tfl.nu/pfmq
  Replies (5) Good night (4160) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.

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  (816): If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing. http://tfl.nu/vitq
  Replies (3) Good night (1312) Bad night (1279)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.

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  (908): She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible. http://tfl.nu/itsw
  Replies (7) Good night (656) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?

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  (314): New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there? http://tfl.nu/271n
  Replies (4) Good night (1744) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  God you're perfect.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.

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  (303): Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal. (1-303): God you're perfect. (303): I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier. http://tfl.nu/2wzm
  Replies (5) Good night (2130) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.

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  (802): I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind. http://tfl.nu/o69z
  Replies (1) Good night (1214) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex

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  (703): Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex http://tfl.nu/1fn0
  Replies (8) Good night (616) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted

  (815): View more from Illinois

  HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA

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  (815): Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted (815): HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA http://tfl.nu/meeq
  Replies (2) Good night (709) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird

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  (518): Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird http://tfl.nu/877o
  Replies (3) Good night (448) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She didn't like my gingervitis joke

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  (703): How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go? (202): She didn't like my gingervitis joke http://tfl.nu/5820
  Replies (2) Good night (1108) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??

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  (336): I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better?? http://tfl.nu/p0ng
  Replies (3) Good night (687) Bad night (231)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.

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  (413): Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception. http://tfl.nu/yfth
  Replies (0) Good night (378) Bad night (235)

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