Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  That's okay, it's all protein anyway.

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  (302): Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!? (1-302): That's okay, it's all protein anyway. http://tfl.nu/dhny
  Replies (68) Good night (3667) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds

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  (949): we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds http://tfl.nu/xoyy
  Replies (12) Good night (608) Bad night (3122)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th

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  (607): i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th http://tfl.nu/g8vn
  Replies (13) Good night (4241) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.

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  (319): Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again. http://tfl.nu/9aen
  Replies (10) Good night (3626) Bad night (1319)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love

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  (336): as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love http://tfl.nu/xemn
  Replies (6) Good night (2591) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum

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  (816): She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum http://tfl.nu/72bu
  Replies (11) Good night (2568) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.

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  (661): We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila. http://tfl.nu/fos5
  Replies (22) Good night (783) Bad night (3680)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way

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  (708): is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower? (1-708): head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way http://tfl.nu/d98n
  Replies (2) Good night (1491) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?

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  (587): Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature? http://tfl.nu/gy0w
  Replies (7) Good night (1314) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.

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  (865): Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts. http://tfl.nu/is6y
  Replies (7) Good night (1499) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.

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  (630): And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates. http://tfl.nu/727h
  Replies (4) Good night (847) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash

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  (269): We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash http://tfl.nu/cbce
  Replies (3) Good night (1002) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.

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  (314): Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy. (1-314): And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever. http://tfl.nu/uu81
  Replies (3) Good night (278) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong

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  (602): I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong http://tfl.nu/9evz
  Replies (1) Good night (835) Bad night (216)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes

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  (580): Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes http://tfl.nu/f88p
  Replies (0) Good night (523) Bad night (176)

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