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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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