i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.