I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.