He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets