we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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