[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
