the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
