Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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