i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
