She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize