I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
