When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize