Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
