dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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