What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
