I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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