I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
