I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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