Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
