You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
