Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
