Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
