ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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