its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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