it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
