Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
