hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
