Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
