i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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