So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
