Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
