I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
