That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
