we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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