let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
