Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
