omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
