I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
