sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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