Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize