that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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