does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
