Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
