It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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